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glumshoe:

nangbaby:

glumshoe:

nangbaby:

mistressofallthingsgeeky:

glumshoe:

nangbaby:

glumshoe:

nangbaby:

glumshoe:

Bro, what you don’t seem to understand is that human engagement is voluntary. If somebody makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to spend time with or talk to them—nor do they have to spend time or talk with you. Friendship is not formed out of guilt-tripping or coercing people into talking or spending time with you. It just… happens. Friendship is mutually rewarding and sometimes it’s hard to establish, but if you go into interactions with your fists swinging and the conviction that you’re doomed to failure, you’re ending friendships before they can even begin.

You seem to have a lot of baggage about something. It sounds like you had one or several negative reactions to something you’ve said and have internalized that to mean that you’re being discriminated against and the world is against you.

Consider: kissing. Many people enjoy kissing, but only in specific circumstances, with specific people, and in specific ways. A big wet sloppy smooch and a chaste peck on the cheek are qualitatively different; someone who enjoys one might not enjoy the other. I enjoy kissing my romantic partner, but I have no desire to kiss my bank teller. This is not because I hate my bank teller. I am not cruelly excluding my bank teller from a smoochathon. The universe has not singled out my bank teller as undeserving of love. It’s simply the fact that individuals and relationships and situations are not interchangeable.

Likewise, I enjoy complaining with my friends about things that we all agree on, which aren’t truly important. I don’t enjoy my enemies complaining about things that I like or which are important to me. That’s why my friends are my friends and my enemies are my enemies.

Human engagement is not voluntary when you’re in public and you initiate a complaint. The act of speaking has changed the dynamics of engagement. Even if I don’t hear the complaint, just the act of speaking in my presence fundamentally changes the situation where everyone remains silent. That’s why it’s considered polite to wait quietly.

In your post you were using complaining as a bonding experience. Maybe I commnunicate as an attempt to bond. I don’t believe I should be treated any differently than anyone else. Alternately, if my complaining is harmful, then by definition, so is yours, as I am a believer in equality and reciprocity.

I have no desire to kiss anyone or be kissed. I treat everyone the same way provided they do not harm me, as I’m neither two-faced nor purposely discriminating. If you do harm me, then I will treat you differently until you’re held accountable for that harm. I am discriminated against, societally and otherwise.

My friends are people who support me. My enemies are people who have harmed me. It’s that simple. I complain because I want to and have the freedom to. As an equal human being, I should be treated the same way as you or anyone else is are treated just by virtue of existing.

look I’m sorry but I have no fucking idea what you’re on about

someone complaining about the lack of pockets on their dress is fundamentally different from someone complaining about how women shouldn’t be allowed to vote, and strangers blocking you on tumblr because you’re being creepy and manipulative and have no boundaries is not even a little bit comparable to racism:

As a woman of color, I have experienced racism, thank you very much.

My point is complaining is complaining and putting these artificial distinctions “for fun” to make it acceptable is a way of devaluing people with “serious” complaints. Since our suffering isn’t shared, then you don’t want to hear it, but people are expected to bond over pockets. Why can’t people bond over both?

That you use complaints to only include some mean you exclude others.

This is pretty straightforward.

I still have no idea what the hell you’re trying to say. Let’s try exploring this through story mode:

You go to the park. Two people are sitting on a bench. The first person says to the other, “Jee whiz, no one knows how to drive anymore. Have turn signals gone out of fashion?” 

The other person laughs and sarcastically replies, “It’s true. Millennials are killing the safe driving industry.”

These people are friends. They are enjoying themselves, and not trying to upset anyone. They are complaining mostly to entertain each other. They could complain about many other, more serious topics, but right now they are in a good mood and don’t want to think about their student debt or a scary diagnosis or the stalker who followed them home last week. Maybe they will discuss those things later, when they are in the right state of mind for it–it’s entirely possible that they will bond over shared traumas, but right not they’re just joking around.

It seems like you suggesting that these people have harmed and excluded you simply by speaking to each other. People are allowed to have friendships that do not include you; they’re allowed to talk to each other and enjoy themselves even if you can see them doing so, just as you are allowed to talk with your friends and enjoy yourself without involving every passing stranger in your business. if someone bothers you, you are allowed to walk away from them. Being in public is not a moral obligation to interact with everyone who wants your attention.

@glumshoe is correct. Just because you hear a conversation does not give you the right to intrude upon it. If you see a person in public, you can try to strike up a conversation and be friendly, but if what you are saying makes them uncomfortable, they have every right to begin ignoring you and walk away. The complaints made amongst friends is different than that between two strangers in that there is a bond, a familiarity between friends–they know the boundaries and how far they can push them. Going into somebody’s blog and saying something they don’t agree with, and then turning around and complaining when they block you and call you out for your faulty logic is, in all regards, socially unacceptable and rude. Friendship cannot be forced, and you have to read the room and understand that there will be differences of opinion. While it is true that those in power should do everything they can to be inclusionary, @nangbaby, what gave you the impression that bringing this complaint to @glumshoe​ was appropriate? They hold no political office, have no secret way of making their voice heard more loudly and clearly than any others, yet you seem to have singled them out simply because they chose not to interact with you over something? Nobody is required to interact with anybody. It’s called free will, and if you think that you are somehow entitled to be included in everything, even when you have no bond or relationship with the other individuals involved, I suggest you see a psychiatrist, because that would indicate a deeper problem linked to a lack of self esteem or worth, as well as projection of your own self image onto those around you in order to mask your own feelings of inadequacy.

Again, they can take the action to walk away.  They don’t have to put a gag on my mouth as they start spreading lies about how the woman who approached them in the park is a serial killer and everyone should ignore her.  But that’s what people in power who block do?

What gives @glumshoe more power than me, aside from the obvious societal advantage?

That you are arguing for him and lending him your power.  I’m one of me and an I am defending my right to exist against you telling me, I’m mentally ill for wanting to be treated as an equal human being.

That alone puts him in a position of power over me.

…you came onto my post and into my inbox to tell me I was a toxic person discriminating against you–a person I’ve never spoken to in my entire life–for hypothetically complaining about the depth of pockets 

what are you FUCKING talk about 

I asked, “Why is it acceptable for people to belittle, threaten, and denigrate me for complaining and shutting me down for complaining, but not acceptable for me to reduce stress or have fun complaining?”

Your answer was to belittle, threaten, and denigrate me for complaining and shut me down for complaining.

That’s what I’m talking about.

When the fuck did this happen? I don’t know who you are. We do not have a relationship or history of any kind. I never said it was ok for people to belittle/threaten/denigrate you, and I sure as fuck did not do any of those things. The extent of our interaction has been me trying to explain why communication is important.

If you think that me saying “setting interpersonal boundaries is okay” is a threat, you have bigger problems than being blocked by the people you harass on Tumblr. GO OUTSIDE. Have a drink of water! Eat a nutrient, for fuck’s SAKE.